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Rose is dead, her neighbours has no clue, the basement has started to smell, but not as much as you!

Mathias Andersson @Andersson

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http://z6.invisio nfree.com/CP

Stockholm, Sweden

Joined on 6/13/04

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Comments (3)

There are probably a few places where the word choice is a bit odd and a tad awkward. I was a little unsure of the meaning, but, of course, I've never been real great with poetry.

Hm, could you point out some of the word choices that you found odd?

"I still will have thoughts..." - I still will think is a more active way of saying it, althought it changes your rhyme.

"can tell us what to be" - you should use me instead of us, since you us me in the rest of the section

"How I resisted to live on my knees" - living instead of to live

"How you now live good" - well, not good

"Unlike the boy who turned man and gave you all" - all what?

"Which teared his legs" - tore, not teared

The first quote is supposed to remain that way, aswell as the second. Not sure about the third... will look into it, but I don't think that one should be changed either "Better die on your feet than live on your knees". There's a good way of saying "live good" in my opinion... "You live good, I gave you a good life"... hm, yeah.

Gave you all - everything.

Thanks for those.

Very nice. :)

Thanks mate!