I shall risk my soul, test my life

2007-08-16 15:57:18 by Andersson
Updated

Risk my soul, test my life
You will be surprised

Eat my food, drink my blood
But you are still no God

Take my legs, burn my wings
But you can't, change the way life sings

I will never stop the march,
towards a state of mind
Where no-one, nothing,
can make me blind

I still will see
I still will have thoughts
I still won't be
I still won't be bought

I will never stop my fight,
to get my country free
Then no-one, nothing,
can tell us what to be

I was born in mud alone
I was born from one unknown
But born to turn the stone
And I will not kneel for the throne

Then tell the story about me
How I made our world free
How I resisted to live on my knees
How I crossed the seven seas
Just to give us all some ease
How I unlocked our chains and the vast open plains
How you now live good and how you now die old
Unlike the boy who turned man and gave you all
How he died young but wouldn't fall
How long he walked and how long he ran
How much he gave and how he was brave

For he was one who saved you all
From death, from pain and most of all
From the struggle that he went through alone
Which tore his legs down to its bone

But take his sacrifice and will you all live long
And just like him will you be strong,
Forever fight all that's wrong

I shall risk my soul, test my life


Comments

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tigerkittytigerkitty

2007-08-16 16:07:26

There are probably a few places where the word choice is a bit odd and a tad awkward. I was a little unsure of the meaning, but, of course, I've never been real great with poetry.

Andersson responds:

Hm, could you point out some of the word choices that you found odd?


tigerkittytigerkitty

2007-08-16 16:21:40

"I still will have thoughts..." - I still will think is a more active way of saying it, althought it changes your rhyme.

"can tell us what to be" - you should use me instead of us, since you us me in the rest of the section

"How I resisted to live on my knees" - living instead of to live

"How you now live good" - well, not good

"Unlike the boy who turned man and gave you all" - all what?

"Which teared his legs" - tore, not teared

Andersson responds:

The first quote is supposed to remain that way, aswell as the second. Not sure about the third... will look into it, but I don't think that one should be changed either "Better die on your feet than live on your knees". There's a good way of saying "live good" in my opinion... "You live good, I gave you a good life"... hm, yeah.

Gave you all - everything.

Thanks for those.


MurrayMurray

2007-08-18 08:33:50

Very nice. :)

Andersson responds:

Thanks mate!